It was that moment again —
The end of the course, where everyone shares what’s in their heart.
On screen, we followed each speaker, sometimes bursting into laughter, sometimes growing quiet and emotional. Every voice was so sincere, so genuine. I could feel the emotions building in my chest, getting stronger and stronger. I knew, based on my usual self, what should have been happening right now: I should be thinking, “Ah, what am I going to say? What if I get too nervous and mess up my grammar, or come across awkwardly?” I should be feeling my palms sweat, my heart race — that should have been my normal reaction.
But surprisingly, none of those worries crossed my mind. At that moment, all I could feel was the energy carried in everyone’s words — an energy like a bottle of champagne, gently shaken until it couldn't help but burst open. Tears started streaming uncontrollably down my face. I was stunned by how powerfully this flood of emotion overtook me. I had hoped to say a graceful goodbye, but instead, I wiped at my endless tears, didn’t care that I was still caught at the peak of my feelings, unmuted my mic, and with a trembling voice, poured out my most sincere gratitude to everyone in that room. I forgot all about delivering the “perfect” speech. I forgot to name and thank the people who had been so important to me. And yet — I don’t regret it at all.
That messy, tear-choked farewell was the truest way I could have expressed myself in that moment. For the first time, I felt an incredible freedom — freedom from worrying about how I was supposed to express things. I had finally done it! The feeling of speaking straight from the heart, without filtering, without rehearsing — it was overwhelming and electrifying. For someone who has always lived so keenly aware of others’ eyes, someone so self-conscious, it was a revelation to be able to speak my truth, in the way that felt most real to me, without a second thought. That experience healed a part of me I didn’t even realize was still aching.
And to think — all of this began just three days ago.
Three days ago, I logged on to an online Co-Active course, with a group of strangers from all over the world. It didn’t sound like something that would stir much excitement. In fact, online courses reminded me of the worst parts of the COVID years: deep loneliness, exhausted eyes, a spirit dulled by endless screens. But the Co-Active Life Coaching course was nothing like that. It offered an experience far beyond what I ever expected. In a world that often feels starved of trust, it created a space where we could be raw, be vulnerable, lift each other up, and build real, deep connections.
It taught me how to ask questions with a childlike curiosity, how to sense and feel the coachee’s emotions with my whole body, how to catch the light flickering in someone’s eyes — brightening, dimming — and how to listen for the buried voices inside them, calling out to be seen. And ultimately, how to ignite that hidden superpower within them.
To practice, we would enter new rooms again and again, starting unknown conversations with strangers — from initial unease, to opening up, to truly seeing each other, to connection. Like isolated islands in the dark, we each lit up a bridge toward one another. It made me feel connected to the wider world again, rekindling a hope and wonder toward the beauty of life itself.
If a group of strangers could create such raw, profound connection in just three days — then what else might be possible? Every act of kindness became a mirror, reflecting back the astonishing light within each of us. And when all these mirrors gathered together, the brightness was beyond anything I could have imagined.
That light — It was enough to light up the entire night sky. Here’s to these unforgettable three days — Days where I overcame a nasty cold with sheer willpower, and lived through a Co-Active Fulfillment experience I’ll carry in my heart forever.
-Susie
April, 29 2025